Third blog today.
I have begun to listen to the audiobook "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It is extremely interesting, although it hasn't brought up much of anything too new for me. There have been a few details concerning the ego that I just hadn't understood before.
The truth is, that I have spent much of my childhood without much of an ego. It wasn't until I was forced into work by my mom at the age of 17 that I truly began to notice that my thoughts and priorities varied a great deal compared to my peers. While others were attentive to their external needs and wants, my life was lived for the most part, internally. I knew who I was, which never bothered, or scared me. However, over the years, I was programmed into believing that the me that is the real me was someone to be ridiculed, shamed and ignored, even to my own detriment. And what a detriment it has been! Joyfully, I am now returning to the path I should be on. The me that should be. I have regained a greater portion of who I am and have continued attaining my goal of a largely egoless existence. Huzzah!
I do find it rather disconcerting that people, for some reason, feel the need to become so enmeshed with mere things that the loss of one thing causes what seems to be a rift in their personality. I am no exception. I have been down that path one too many times. For me, it was very hard to see my possessions disappear little by little everyday. Things I enjoyed. Things that expressed who I was to an extent. Why my brothers felt it was appropriate to misappropriate what I paid my hard-earned money for, was beyond me. It becomes almost impossible to disconnect from the trauma of continuously having everything that wasn't glued to the floor go missing. I never knew what to expect not to find day by day, if anything at all. I couldn't lay claim to anything, not even the real me, due to the misappropriation of the true me by my mom. I could never really know who I was because of the constant state of flux I endured day to day. I could never hold on to who I was. Not because my things went missing, but because the real me, and the inherent respect that must come with it was nonexistent. I was missing. I was misappropriated
I am glad to say that I am coming back, though. I have missed this place. The truly real me. I have no desire to take me for granted. Not after everything I have gone through already. I hope that my ramblings make sense to those that will read this blog. I have no intention of trying to be incomprehensible.
It has been a good day otherwise. I celebrated the birthday of a friend of mine. I prepared mandarin orange chicken, terriyaki noodle stri-fry, devil's food cake with strawberry frosting and after-dinner mocha. I got to try a new kind of cake today. The birthday girl shared it with me after her mom made it for her. The cake is called "Kitty-Litter cake". I am sure you can guess what it looks like. Yes, it certainly does look like the real thing. I shall have to hunt up the recipe and possibly post it another day. Yay! Well, good night and sweet dreams to all.
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